The Oscar Red Carpet Post-Game Report

By Callan Farris

Are you ready for some fashiooooon?! As any fashion-obsessed person would know, the Oscars are the Super Bowl of red carpets, and this year the stars brought their A game. To say I do not know football would be the understatement of the century so humor me as I attempt to round out my MVPs and bench warmers from last week’s 88th Academy Awards.

Bench Warmers (Red Carpet Disasters): These stars may have looked formidable on film but their performance on game day left a lot to be desired. Perhaps they would have been better off on the bench than on the field.

Heidi Klum

 Credit to Getty Images

Credit to Getty Images

False Start. Klum showed up to the Oscar ceremony in an ombre lavender Marchesa gown that featured one long sleeve, a cutout on the chest, and two gigantic flower explosions. Bad Heidi, BAD! And why is Heidi Klum at the Oscars anyway? Sure, she is a judge on reality television competitions once in a while but her attending the Oscars is like Lebron James attending a Denver Broncos post-game celebration. Or is it? Again, I know nothing about football… or basketball…

Brie Larson

 Credit to Getty Images

Credit to Getty Images

Remember when Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo dated? It was cute at first and then it got annoying, fast. This is how I feel about the Best Actress winner’s choice of dress. At first glance I thought the bright blue Gucci gown was charming, but after further review it quickly changed to distracting and obnoxious. The fanned out pleats took over Larson’s trim figure and the hair and makeup was boring and predictable. Hopefully on the awards circuit next year this look will be as distant a memory as Simpson’s pink #9 jersey is for Cowboys fans.

Amy Poehler

 Credit to Getty Images

Credit to Getty Images

ILLEGAL PROCEDURE! For any girls reading this who, like me, are not very sports savvy - you can either google “illegal procedure” or take my word for it that this is BAD in football terms.  The “Inside Out” voice actor and comedy force showed up in an embroidered Andrew Gn gown featuring butterflies and flowers; A LOT of butterflies and flowers. Whomever was responsible for telling her this choice looked great really dropped the ball and I am marking this look as a fashion fumble. 

Most Valuable Players (Red Carpet Standouts): This year’s Best Dressed list could have been as long as Cam Newton’s yellow zebra print Versace pants but, for the sake of time, I have decided to only rank my top three looks of the night. 

Rachel McAdams

 Credit to Getty Images

Credit to Getty Images

Touchdown! This 37-year-old first-time Oscar nominee dazzled in a never-before-seen halter-neck, open-back August Getty Atelier gown. Even though she did not go home with a trophy for her role in Spotlight, this seasoned star was definitely the fashion MVP of the night.

Saoirse Ronan

 Credit to Getty Images

Credit to Getty Images

Yet another actress that stepped on to the red carpet in a stunning emerald green number, Ronan looked exquisite in the custom-made sequin Calvin Klein gown accessorized with mismatched earrings and effortless flowing locks. It is no surprise that this newcomer showed up to play, as she has had a near perfect record in her short time on the fashion scene. 

Charlize Theron

 Credit to Getty Images

Credit to Getty Images

The only other person on earth that does more high-end designer campaigns than Tom Brady is Charlize, so it’s safe to say that when it comes to the fashion department she knows what she is doing. This year’s Oscars was no exception as the Mad Max star stunned in a crimson red Dior gown with a plunging neckline and statement jewels. With as much buzz as this superstar has received for her “best carpet look yet”, she is sure not to get a DEFLATED sense of self anytime soon.

After reading this hopefully you can see that sports and fashion aren’t necessarily on opposite ends of the spectrum and are equally deserving of your viewing time. If only we could convince the Academy to play Doritos and PuppyMonkeyBaby commercials, now that would be the best of both worlds.

‘Til next time red carpet! xoxo - Callan